The Out-There

The past few weeks in Chile have been a blur. They were among some of the most difficult emotionally because the homesickness and loneliness have begun to set in. Along with the homework. At the moments when it gets toughest, I start to remember.

I remember my God, my constant Rock, who is ever present no matter where I am. I remember that He is doing incredible work in my life by taking me to a place where I am stripped of all comfort, of all sources of pride. I remember all the people I love and miss so much, and how supportive they have been throughout the whole process of coming abroad. If you are reading this, you are probably one of those people, so thank you! I remember that before I know it, I will be home for Christmas and I´ll be able to hug you tight and exchange stories about the past months. It will be like no time has passed at all. I remember how blessed I am to have so many people who are such an important part of my life and who hold an irrevocable place in who I am.

And then I remember why I came here in the first place. I remember that I am an adventurer at heart. Many travelers are wanderers, or people who want to go everywhere and put roots down nowhere. Adventurers are different. We always long to see what is over the next horizon, but we also crave belonging, creating the experience of home every place we go. Bits and pieces of our hearts lie in every place we have ever been. My heart is a constant coexistence of missing and longing, and I have to consciously let go of what I have known and what I will know to be fully present in today, here, now.

I remember why this is the experience of which I have dreamed, far before I could actualize the urge to explore into a plan. I remember being the little girl who picked up fruit while riding in the cart at the grocery store, reading the label indicating where it was grown, and inundating my parents with questions about that country. I wanted to know it all, the religion and imports and exports and foodstuffs and population demographics and geography and economy and language. I remember that Christmas when they bought me at atlas and a globe to sate my curiosity, and I would spend hours tracing my finger across the latitude lines and imagining life in each country and planning top secret spy missions all around the world. I remember hearing Spanish speakers in public and imagining initiating a conversation with them, back when all I knew was the elementary school Spanish of counting and colors. I remember when I wasn't even old enough to drive, and I sat down to plan a road trip to California for the summer after high school graduation. I had it all figured out- I was going to leave everything I knew to go live and work somewhere, anywhere near a coast so I could learn how to surf and experience something new and different. I remember accepting a job several thousand miles away from home in Philly, where I didn't know a soul, in a neighborhood that was the opposite of the small town life that was my reality, when I was barely old enough to be a legal adult.

And that is why I am here. I am here, where I get to experience a new culture and speak Spanish and run at the beach at sunset and try surfing just because and take classes and have an internship. I am here, because once I catch a scent of an opportunity, a challenge, an adventure in the works, the out-there, I cannot do anything but brashly pretend I am not afraid and charge full-speed ahead into the great unknown.